"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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