come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
