dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
