**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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