So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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