I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
