I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Even my vagina gasped.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
