the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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