Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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