help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Couch. On fire.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
