I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
