she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
