Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
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