omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
