just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You've changed since you got that strap on
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
