i love accidental penises.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
