Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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