he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
no you cant smoke seaweed
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
