i was born a porn star she said
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
