All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
