Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
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