Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
