I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
