before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
