How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
