i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
