She announced her abortion via fbk
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
