where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize