forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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