Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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