dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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