oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
