Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
