I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
