Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize