I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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