Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
my shit smells like andre
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
