Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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