I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
