YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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