Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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