she woke up with a sticky ear
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Randomize
