dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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