He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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