Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
