That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
