i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
