Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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