alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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