guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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