I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
