Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Randomize
