I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Randomize
