God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
