so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
