I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
