Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
