I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
