I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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