i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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