you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
