im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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