i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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