My first STD was from a foam party
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
