You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
