i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
