Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
