Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
